I'm a late bloomer... are you?

Future home of the Keeley All You Can Eat Veggie Buffet

My dilemmas: I am finally going to start planting my garden today. We have our first break in the rain in probably 10+ days. I’m probably being over ambitious for my first garden but nothing ventured, no back ache and sunburn gained! Normally, I am a know it all about everything (or so I pretend) but this is my first ever “big girl” garden. I really want it to go well. Since I don’t actually know it all I would love some guidance. I have actually had a volunteer who swore “he would make a farmer out of me yet”. I do look forward to his advice but I know he will be busy getting his garden started too.

It’s late for everyone here to get in their gardens because of all the rain we’ve had. I complained last spring of the rain and just to show me that it could rain even more I’m sure the Rain Fairy decided to smite me! Basically, everyone I know is getting a late start on their garden.

OK. My first dilemma is that I was told that I need to have a tiller to run between my rows to mow down all the new weeds that are determined to smite me even more than the Rain Fairy. The only problem is that I was going to borrow a friend’s monster tiller until it met an untimely death caused by a 900lb tire that rolled over it. Are you starting to see a trend or is it just me that seems that everything is in fact “out to get me”?

Well my answer to this, my theory let’s say, is why not just put down something that will help to retard the growth of future weeds. I know for a fact there will be a LOT of unwanted things popping up out of the dirt as the plot of land in question has been mowed for hay for many years.

I’ve been saving all my feed bags for months with the thought of cutting them down the sides and laying them flat between the rows. Then I got to thinking why not also try news paper? Paper is a brown matter that will break down over time and enrich the soil so it’s got two good points. I do worry that the polypropylene feed bags will break down and birds and other small animals will get the shreds of it caught in their digestive tract. That is why I haven’t thrown any of those bags in the trash. I pretty much think they are evil but that is a different soap box for a different 4am on a different day.

So what do you think? Do you think my idea of miscellaneous feed bags between the rows will help save me?

My second dilemma is my chickens. I “think” I have something in place that will prevent them from digging up all the seeds behind me as I plant them. The same said trick I hope will prevent them from wreaking further havoc on any tender new shoots as they pop up out of the ground: A chicken tractor. Paul & I built one last weekend with some simple plans I found online for a pvc / chicken wire structure. However the “door” was just made of plastic sheeting with a weighted bottom. The designer clearly did not have my chickens in mind with that flimsy door!

How I plan to entice the chickens to give up their freedom by entering the chicken tractor hasn’t come to me quite yet. I suppose I could put some of their favorite drug inside and they will run in and voila! Or… they will have suspicions that it is a prison and they will refuse to enter even though their fix is waiting inside for them. By the by… I don’t actually give them pharmaceuticals but their drug of choice is cracked corn or scratch grains. Even the Mallards I raised are addicted. Every morning they are waiting for me jonesing for their fix. When I mentioned rehab to the Mallards they just looked at me and sang: No, No, No! I promise to look into a rehab program in the future but I really must stay on track with the garden!

Dilemma three is the groundhogs and bunnies. They will mow down every green thing in their path. Now, for the most part if they are playing fair and only eating at the Keeley All You Can Eat Veggie Buffet during the day I have the trusty .22 to help control the situation. However if they are as devious as I suspect they are they will be watching from the shadows and run into the garden as I go inside to book flights and vacation packages. It is a long held belief of mine that groundhogs are in league with the devil… but I digress.

Dilemma four is my personal favorite. I must confess I am at war with myself on this one. There is a part of me that wishes that the millions of deer that live on the farm will come to the Veggie Buffet so I can fill my freezer. However, the part of me that understands how devious these smart animals are is frit scared they will come.

They are no ordinary foe. Oh no. The animals I mentioned earlier are benign as they come in comparison to Odocoileus virginianus. They are by far the most dangerous predator to the Keeley Veggie Buffet. I am going to my local DNR this week to get my permit so that I can “go postal” on them if they enter the confines of the garden. I must admit that the thought of filling my freezer with yummy venison is thrilling!

All of this said, I have about 20 metal posts that I can run around the perimeter of the garden but they are only 6ft posts. Ok… granted the first 15 were given to me free of charge but nobody told me that they aren’t 6ft once in place. Seriously, how was I to know this? I thought I was being so clever. I was going to put a 6ft fence around the garden and while it may not keep them all out, (I have heard they can jump 50ft in the air!) I was planning on it keeping out the large herds that I’m sure are waiting to come to dinner.  Now it seems my fence will only be a mere 4-5ft. What is the point of calling it a 6ft post? Why not call it what it is when it is being used for its specific purpose? 

Anyway… should I try the “deer netting” that seems cheap or should I run an electric wire about 3 inches off the ground and at middle & top? So I will at least get a feeling of satisfaction that I gave them a “stimulus on their package”?

Should I get a motion sensor light for that side of the house linked to the alarm on my iPhone so it wakes me?

Do they make an app for that?